The vast majority of society writes off anyone convicted of a Sexual Offence.
Once they have ‘Crossed the line’ that should never be crossed, that’s it. That’s all they are.
This makes me incredibly sad.
I am in touch with a whole community of Non offending partners just like me. Their Husbands I feel like I know now too.
The pain and destruction caused by these offences, is incomprehensible.
Yet these men are not the monsters society want to believe.
Several of us have been asked ‘why’ we remain in our relationships. Because we know that our partners are more than just their offence.
My Husband I have spoken about throughout my blogs. He was 39 when he started online offending. I have been with this man since he was 21. We have grown up and had 2 children together. He was at uni’ when we met, he went on to have a reputable career as a civil servant, he has been a brilliant husband. He has been a brilliant Dad to our boys. He would always do whatever he could to help others. I’ve talked a lot about how much of a rock he was for me throughout my Mum’s long illness and losing her and Dad. His parents will happily tell you he’s been the best son and up until his arrest in 2020, he has never brought an ounce of trouble to their door.
My friends Husbands, they are good guys too. They are Husbands, Father’s, they had reputable careers. They were valuable members of society.
Sadly the media reporting destroys their previous reputation.
Last night I talked to one of my friends about her husband being heavily involved in their local community. Helping set up an amazing project to help people with mental health issues. She is still involved with the charity. Nobody asks how he is. They are never nominated for any community awards. Nobody wants to acknowledge that he set this up. Yet his legacy lives on.
“You can’t rewrite history” I said to her.
I can imagine my family who I have no contact with, sitting around talking about my husband, trying to see things from the past that aren’t there. Trying to undo the person that he was. Nobody said a bad word about my husband up until he was arrested. There was not a bad word to say.
People want to rewrite history and justify to themselves, their decisions to turn their backs.
As I said last night, “You can’t rewrite history.” Our husbands are still all of the things they were. Their offending was their behaviour. Their offending was abhorrent behaviour and needs to be punished. However, It’s not all they are and doesn’t detract from the good they’ve put into this world.
Once people have served their punishment and commit to their rehabilitative work, they deserve a chance. They deserve to be integrated back into society.
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